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Flanders, our cat, in all of his sweetness has a horrible flaw—he’s passive aggressive.  He’s get’s pissed over lord knows what.  I know this because I actually find “piss” on my closet doors and furniture, and sometimes he will show me how mad he is, which in turn makes me really mad—not pissed, though, because I don’t want to ruin my things.

I hear that cat’s mark their territory, and even heard that when a cat becomes part of a household, he actually assumes the role of landlord and the rest of the people and pets become tenants.  I guess this could explain why he sprays the closet doors, if he’s trying to make sure we know that they are his, but the furniture is mine!  So what’s he trying to say when he sprays that?  He kind of sucks as a landlord, because he doesn’t fix anything—not even the roof when it was leaking, and if he needs to go somewhere that he can’t walk to, we are expected to be his transportation, AND pay any bills he might incur.  I have to provide all of his meals, and pay the water bill even though he wants the faucet running at any given time for him to drink from.

I see him at the neighbor’s house, too, so I think he’s looking into quite possibly another real estate investment.  We’ve tried to warn the neighbor to save himself, and not let Flanders in, because he will definitely start claiming his territory.  We are pretty awesome neighbors, though, because if we were smart, we’d encourage him to let the cat in, while we quickly hammer a piece of wood over our cat door, but we don’t.  We’re like the battered housewife; we keep falling victim to his wiles, and letting him come home.

 

It’s gotten so bad, that our landlord actually sleeps in our bed with us, and if I use Icy Hot on my sore shoulders, he tries to sneak up behind me and lick it off.  It’s pretty creepy—he even will chew my hair…but I’ve gotten a little afraid to “piss” him off, as you might imagine.  Too often, he has tried to exert his authority even out in the garage and yard by marking the grill, the outdoor storage box, the fence, my portfolio, and pieces of furniture I have stored.  Okay, so I get that he’s mad about the portfolio, since I have drawn our other pets before him, but never done his portrait, but why the grill?  Does he want us to cook some chicken or something?  I’ve become so paranoid when I see him enter the room like he’s looking for something.  I am sure it can’t be affection or attention—it’s gotta be that he’s looking for a great vertical surface for him to demonstrate in no uncertain terms that this is his turf, and for some strange reason I have angered him.  It’s like living in the Amityville Horror only the presence terrorizing us in our house is a real live feline landlord.  I fear we may just have to pack up the car and leave in the middle of the night at some point, and just let the possessions go…let’s hope he doesn’t follow us!