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We stopped to see Randy Bill and his life partner on our way home from school today. Finally, they are hanging out on the side of the pasture where we can see them.

Randy Bill and two of the horses came over immediately, however the horses didn’t stick around when they realized we came bearing no vittles for them. Randy, is very social and just likes the affection. We chatted and pet him while he walked up and down the fence, all the while leaning against it as if trying to give himself a good scratching.

I think even he is friskier with the biggest full moon of the year waxing, because he’d get agitated and head butt the wire fencing, digging his little cloven hooves into the sand and pushing with all his might until the wire was sufficiently bowed. Then he’d stick his muzzle through one of the squares, which seems to be the equivalent of a dog nuzzling your hand to encourage petting.

Randy Bill’s life partner always keeps his distance. At first I thought it was because Randy is so randy and not very modest about expressing it, but I think LP is really just a snob. He doesn’t like carrots, and he won’t let me pet him very often. I guess it could be shyness, but the story is more compelling if we believe he’s a “stuck up” jerk.

Anyway, Mikey was wondering what “Life Partner’s” name should be—funny, I thought it was “Life Partner,” but I never like to miss an opportunity to come up with another clever name. We were admiring his horns from a distance, which are smaller than Bill’s (and not because of the distance), so I suggested “Horny.”

 Mikey didn’t find it nearly as clever as I did, and said he didn’t like it. I know I’ve been known to treat my kid like he’s 30, but I kept secret the fun little innuendo I had just invented. I mean, come on, how fun is it to say, “Hey, there’s Randy Bill and his Horny Life Partner.” C’mon, it’s awesome! Done! That’s the new name.

Randy, that little pisser, did literally just that! In his friskiness, out popped the prehensile you-know-what; and out of that poured a stream of urine that Randy saw fit to quench his thirst with on this 85 degree day. That’s when I stopped petting him. Time to go, Randy—thanks for the memories! And full body shivers! Ewwwwwww…

Here’s another fun name for Randy Bill: Wild Bill His-cock

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