My dad being the man that he is—is always on the hunt for a new car or a new watch—those are his two true loves. These days it’s the car that captures his interests. But he’s also a generous guy. He even gave Greg a digital camera because he feels that G. is such a great father.
When Greg opened his gift today, he said—and I quote—“This is the best gift your dad has ever given me. I will remember it for the rest of my life!” Pretty strong words for a rather unemotional guy (unless the Steelers are losing.)
Here’s a little back story on how my dad came to the realization that compelled him to give his son-in-law a Father’s Day gift. He got a key in the mail from one of the local car dealerships that could open a new car. Well, let’s not miss an opportunity to see if we can get a new car now or later! Off mom and dad went to find out that they’re key was not the one that opened the door BRAND NEW MAZDA, but just a dummy to get them to the dealership in hopes of trapping them into buying a new car. I reiterate—my dad loves the idea of a new car, so he put the salesman through some hoops to see what kind of numbers they could crunch to get him into one of those fancy CX-9’s. Even better—because they showed some interest and took a test drive, they got a free digital camera! Now, naturally, because it’s free they weren’t expecting 12 megapixel with a 30 optical zoom, flash, and a whole host of other cool features. But what they got…well…the USB cable might have some value.
Tittering over his cool new acquisition, dad checked it out and discovered that it had less than 1 megapixel resolution, a 1/2″ display, weighed maybe 3 ounces, BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! It came with its own tripod. Truly a technological marvel for a technological guy. So, my guess is that my dad thought it was a bit too sophisticated for a man of advancing years to comprehend, but not so much so that it wouldn’t be a fun gift for his son-in-law. Scheming and rubbing his palms together, he plotted to have it all nicely wrapped and delivered today by the hands of my mother.
Greg—somewhat baffled by this display of kindness by someone other than his children on Father’s Day, opened his new gift when he got home from his round of golf. Laughingly aghast at this piece of shit that no company should ever, EVER have manufactured since the product is likely to fill up landfills at warp speed, he made it his mission to actually see if it worked.
After immediately breaking the tripod while trying to install the camera on it, he did manage to open the battery compartment to drop in two AAA batteries without incident. Once he figured out how to turn it on,he discovered that the ½” display was simply a window that kept count in giant digital numbers how many photos have been taken. He took four, and then uploaded them to email to his beloved father-in-law for his boundless generosity. The visual quality has no equal. In the late ‘90’s we had a Sony Mavica that took photos on a floppy disk and its resolution was head and shoulders above this one. It was hilarious how bad they were! Truly, my five-year-old is too sophisticated for this camera. Greg found the whole gag terribly amusing, as did my father—hence the reference to it being the greatest gift he’s ever received.
Here are some examples of this marvelous camera’s abilities!