Well, it’s here…4-1! I have avoided the idea of moving forward all year, and I am still avoiding it! I’ve decided that I will be 40 for another year, and to prove my total lack of acknowledgement that I am now “in my 40’s,” I treated today as though it were any other day.
Although…my boys and husband made it hard to forget by all of them coming in and wishing me a “Happy Birthday” while I was still in bed, but that was pretty cute. Then my brother, Kevin, called me to celebrate my aging process at about 7:45. THEN my Facebook friends were pouring into my profile with kind birthday greetings and well wishing, so I read the messages and then I closed up my computer and decided it was time to clean my carpets.
Over the past year I have noticed that print is getting finer and fuzzier, and that the dribble marks and stains on my carpet can be ignored a lot longer if I keep the lights low in my house. I have found myself cleaning (haphazardly) down on my hands and knees, and discovered a whole ecosystem of nastiness that exists in that bottom 18” where wall meets the floor. Thank God for aging eyes—if they could see all these things easily, well, I would NEVER be done cleaning! Whoever doesn’t believe “ignorance is bliss” must not be very ignorant! Poor them…
So I cleaned my carpets. For me that’s a little like having a new car where every time you wash it, you find a new chip or scratch. It’s almost better not to do it, just so that you don’t have to suffer the anxiety of knowing your stuff is beginning to show signs of unavoidable wear. I can only procrastinate dealing with those feelings so long before even my own dirt begins to gross me out. Everything looks a bit better after using the carpet steamer, and the sun is finally out again, so I can’t rely on dark days to pull the proverbial wool (of age and denial) over my eyes now.
My in-laws have party planned for me on Saturday, so there wasn’t really anything going on today. I cleaned, met with a client, left the boys in their jammies, ran to the bank, and then the three of us went to get ice cream. Oh yeah…that’s another fun part about the aging process over the past couple years—the expanding waist line. I’m not any heavier—just changing shape…it’s really awesome for my self-esteem—in fact it drives me to my coping mechanism in order to shut that damn critical and panicky voice off—ice cream—and anything else that tastes great and has a stupid amount of calories! It would probably be better on many levels if it would drive me to the gym—but let’s face, it I was one of those “God, I just love working out—it gets me high” people, I probably wouldn’t be in this predicament.
This evening I am going to go over to my parents because they leave on vacation tomorrow, and it’s my birthday, and I can have a couple of hours without children if I want to! This is my day…thanks to everyone who took the time to acknowledge it. It makes me feel pretty awesome even if it means I’m 41!