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Remember when I said that I had always been afraid to put bird feeders out in my yard because of Fland-diddly-danders?  Then I got back from Minnesota, decided Flanders was old and fat, and that the birds would be safe?  Amazon, here I come—line up the pages of bird feeders, bird feed and anything else that you might think I can be coerced into buying!

So, the hummingbird feeder, “No-No” birdfeeder (to keep away the squirrels), and the veritable smorgasbord of seeds and sugar-water to indulge my feathered neighbors, arrived.

I hung the hummingbird feeder in “Herb the Camphor”  so that I could see it from my butt imprint on the sofa, and I put the other feeder in front of the window of the other T.V. room. (so I could watch from my other butt imprint.)

The single hummingbird has found his feeder on occasion, but I hadn’t had any visitors to the regular “No-No” birdfeeder.  So, on one hand it wasn’t doing so well attracting my songbird population, but on the other, the squirrels weren’t bothering it either…hmmm…

Last week, Andrea (aka. Aunt Rita,) came over, and with her knowledge on gardening and landscape, I believed her when she told me she thought the feeder was too close to the house.  She thought it would be better if it also hung within Herb’s branches.  Since I don’t mess around, I got out the step stool and a hook to hang it on the “squirrel highway.”  Have I mentioned it’s a “No No” feeder, determined to sabotage any vermin’s efforts to steal seeds.  Armed with this knowledge, I ceased to worry about any consequences of moving it to the tree.

Still no birds…but I’ve packed up the squirrels with the intentions of selling them to Cirque Du Soleil.  The acrobatic feats that these fluffy-tailed rats have performed to get to the birdseed are full-on amazing.  So is the amount of seed spilled on the ground…

Still no birds…but lots of ants and sprouts of some type of sunflowers…wait!  Wait for it…the cardinals have found the seed on the ground!  But not quickly enough to fend off sprouts and ants, so Greg moved the bird feeder back to the overhang on the house in front of the window…too be lonely and forgotten again.

There was so much feed spilled that the birds, rats squirrels and ants will be able to eat for a while, in fact mommy cardinal has been visiting the backyard a whole lot in the past couple days.  I think she has a nest in “Herb.”   I keep hearing her cheeping.

Naturally Flanders is watching and intrigued—more intrigued than I had hoped given his age and weight.  I think he also likes a challenge.  Not the one of actually getting the kill—the one where he hears me say wicked things about him being too old and slow catch anything anymore.  I drew my conclusions about the state of his fitness when I saw the squirrels taunting him by hanging on the tree trunk about 18” from my feline’s teeth.  I think I even heard them placing bets on how slow and old this Flan-diddly-danders dude is.  This was very dangerous on their part.  Flander’s once brought me a peace-offering in the form of a dead dove—he’s pure evil.  Lying in wait, feigning sloth, watching for weakness, and plotting his next message.

He delivered it this morning.  Mikey was the first one to go out to the kitchen for breakfast.  I heard him tell Dad that there was something yucky, like throw-up and other stuff on the tile.  Oh…no…It was gore.  Gore, beaks, feathers, legs, and vomit.  I didn’t look too closely, but the beak and legs looked like it was a mature bird.  Oh…no…I set up the perfect hunting grounds…and Flanders had gotten the mommy cardinal.  Damn that circle of life!  I know it is how nature works, but I felt like I had contributed to it, by sacrificing that sweet cardinal I had watched the past few days for my own entertainment.

Greg and I went out in the backyard to make sure there was no further bird-a-cide, and thankfully, there was nothing really other than a spot of blood on the patio (hopefully Flander’s.)  Just as I was coming back in the house, who do I see?  Mommy Cardinal!!!!  I don’t know who we found in pieces, but I was markedly better knowing she (so far) has had the smarts to outwit my indoor/outdoor cat.

Stoopid Flanders…