Today, I had to go to the other side of town to meet some contractors at a client’s house. Because it’s MLK day, both boys were home, so I talked Greg into taking a vacation day and all of us going together. When we got to the “backside of nowhere,” I went to the client’s home and the boys went to a nearby park until I was finished. Seriously, I don’t know how this area can qualify as part of the outlying suburbs of Orlando—we put 90 miles on the odometer today. But it pays well, and the house is lovely, so who’s complaining?
I went about my business, and when I reunited with the testosterone that is the rest of my being, I learned of the great things they did in my absence. Let me back up, though. When we got in the car, I noticed that Dad had given the boys cups of water to drink on the way–wonderful parenting, but a horribly inconvenient practice with a newly potty trained child. Pierce still doesn’t love to use the bathroom without being naked from the waist down, which means it’s quite an endeavor when dressed in lace up shoes and jeans. Oh well…we ran down the drill when it should come time to use the bathroom, and went on our way.
I learned of their adventures when I got back into the car. It seems somebody was grabbing his crotch and expressing his need to use the potty as soon as they got to the playground. Daddy, scrambled all over the place looking for a public bathroom. When he finally found one, it turned out that one had to be a resident of Disney’s fine version of Mayberry, plus possess the fancy key-card to get inside. Off to the woods with ye. So they took a nature walk off the path to find a private spot for Pierce to relieve himself. Once far enough from other park patrons, daddy helped our little one to get situated to do his first great milestone as a boy—peeing in the woods. Unfortunately, in the ‘burbs we have little practice with this, and Pierce didn’t know to “steer.” After a few remonstrations from dad and a “water wiggle” sprinkler imitation, Dad had to help “steer” to avoid somebody urinating on himself and anything else in a 6 foot radius.
Once relieved, and put back together, they went off to the park to play. Unfortunately, we sit now in our house with the blinds closed and the lights off, just in case child services shows up because somebody saw a man diddling a little boy while he was peeing in the woods… Only in Florida…