I am so lonesome for my blog I can hardly stand it! Since I have gone back to work doing design part time ( at which I probably put in 60 hours this week,) I have not had the time to organize my thoughts about my silly boys, let alone put them into something amusing enough to read. But today I am taking the time!
Remember my nudist child, Pierce, who at any given time is naked from the waist down? Well, nothing has changed—although potty trained, he has not yet figured out how to dress himself after using the bathroom.
In one of his half-dressed moments, he came out to his dad and I one evening and told us he had a bug in his butt. Thinking he was goofing around, andbeing a stickler for decorum, I laughed and then tried to ignore him. He persisted, though, about this bug in his hind end, and then pulled out one of those plastic spider rings from Halloween that he had stored where the good lord split him. Let me clarify as gross as this is, I think it was just tucked in the crack and not much further, thank GOD! Watching him laugh like he was the cleverest thing since who knows what, I was both amused and aghast that he even thought up this little performance let alone carried it out…
In the past month or so, I have kept a running list of the stuff my kids say that cracks me up:
So (on the way home from Seaworld) Mikey asked me why his “hoo hoo” has balls on it. Then he asked me what they were called, so I told him. Testicles. THEN he asked why his hoo-hoo had “tentacles”(which was hilarious enough), to which his three year old brother responded “Classy, Mike…” Hmmm, think that’s my response to two little boys on regular basis?
To add to Mikey’s repertoire of nether region questions of significant shock value, he asked me at the dinner table how I go “piddle” without a hoo-hoo? My simply said “I just can.” (Knowing full well that this wouldn’t suffice for an answer.) Here it comes: “Mommy, do you have a hole down there like the one on my Hoo-Hoo?” Carefully, I said, “Yes.” He asks “What does it look like?” Finally, embarrassed and exasperated “I DON”T KNOW! I’VE NEVER LOOKED!” To which we both descended into laughter.
This was a dialog on the way home from school a few weeks back:
Me this afternoon: “Thank god! I got rid of that car in front of me–he drove like a turtle.
Pierce: “No he didn’t!”
Me: “Yes, he did!”
Pierce: “No, he didn’t.”
Me: YES! HE DID!”
Pierce: “No he didn’t because turtles don’t drive cars.”
This was some credit given to my brother for having a very ingenious way to enjoy milk:
Mikey wanted to take a trip to Georgia to tell his Uncle Kevin thanks for the idea of putting ice cubes in milk. And while we were there, we could play, too.
One of our bath time conversations…
Mikey asked me in the tub during his bath time while he had his Bumblebee mask on if this was how Bumblebee looked when he was naked with a mask on? Anybody? Yeah…I’m really not sure either, but I am pretty sure Bumblebee has just more metal under his metal.
Auntie Good Times came over to play this week. At one point Pierce came up to here with a stuffed toy alligator, shoved it in Auntie’s face, to which she responded, “What’s that? “ (Just testing him, you see) and he responded with “I don’t know…” in a vague, apathetic voice…(just testing her, I suppose…)
Nana had her own conflict with Pierce the other day when she told him he was sweet. He asked “What’s sweet?” She said that he was sweet, to which he corrected her by saying “No I’m not. I’m Pierce!”
Mikey asked me if it was going to be sunny tomorrow for Robbie’s birthday like it is today. I said that I thought so, but only warmer. He asked me if there would be cumuli-nimbus clouds, because the tv said that there would be. I told him that the weather forecasters on the tv don’t talk about cloud types when they predict the weather. Then he went into this long silly diatribe in a ridiculous voice about how “They said that there would be cumuli-nimbus clouds and huge cracks of thunder. Lots of huge cracks of thunder, so you should stay in a bouncy house all day to be safe!” Pretty funny, since there will be one of those at the party tomorrow. I guess it would be logical, since the lightening would most likely just bounce right off of it!
This is all the crazy stuff they have had to say in the month since my last post. Not nearly as much as there should be considering all the crap I have to do for them on a daily basis.