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Since the boys came along, we have learned that some of what we thought were our best ideas have maybe not been so awesome.  For every smart guy out there who would ultimately like to be a parent—are you smart enough to learn from our mistakes?

  1. If you like cars, don’t own anything south of light gray on the color spectrum.  Once the kids come along, it will never be clean again, so there for it will be some muddy version of light gray anyway.
  2. If you are like me and believe a smaller home filled with lovely details and nice things over a larger house that is a giant empty box is preferable—reconsider!  Once kids come along, you will definitely want more space, and all your lovely things will become dirty and distressed.
  3. Making the kids share a bedroom is great on many levels, until about 8:30p.m.  After all, Mom and Dad, do you sleep alone—as much as you may like to, it’s often nice to have company.  The 8:30p.m. thing makes me second guess our choice daily when one boy wants to be wild and keep the other one awake, thus creating chaos at the bedtime hour.  Thankfully, it doesn’t usually last more than 20 minutes.
  4. Putting the pocket door into our fourth bedroom allowed for two ways into the room.  Such a fantastic idea!  Until the boys got old enough to play with each other…now it is a track.  A small track.  Not like a race track where the spectator gets a reprieve from the volume decibels when the cars are on the far side.  Nope, just screaming little boys running like lunatics.  Makes me want to stick my foot out!
  5. Landscape rocks.  Such a great idea!  No more buying mulch for the landscape beds twice a year, watching it float away in heavy down pours, and fade in the sun.  Put the rocks down, they stay put, maybe sink a bit into the soil and need refreshing every now and then, but a nice crisp look.  It’s great because they are too heavy to float away, but it’s not great because they are really hard.  They are also the perfect size to fit into the hand of a three-year-old.  They have a nice weight and resistance for one trying to train their throwing arm… The formula of teeny house on a teenier lot, river rock in flower beds, and small children—well, let’s just say that I should have seen that one coming.
  6. Grooming a video gaming heir.  I remember the days when Mikey was a tot and Dad couldn’t get in the video game play that he longed for.  Repeatedly, he said how he looked forward to the day that he could play games with Mikey.  Then those days came.  Grueling and awful because the kid only knew enough to be dangerous.  accidentally screwing up the game, and needing constant help on “stupid stuff,” Dad soon came to loath having expressed his wish.  But alas, the child’s skills improved, and all was looking better in the universe.  But then, like Downton Abbey, evil lurked waiting to upset all that was good.  An addict was created.  Then we had to ration video game time and parent our child when he wasn’t playing.  It was like watching an addict detox.  I think he even hallucinated—but then, don’t all kids with their ridiculous imaginations?  The topper on this fantastic scheme, is that at 6 Michael is very good, and now his dad has to use all the skills in his repertoire to keep from getting beaten.

Stay tuned, as I am sure the list is growing as I type, I’ve simply not become aware of the consequences yet.