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Hey Oprah, do you ever have those weeks where you have no energy or desire, and the world won’t leave you alone?  I am sure you haven’t…Anyway, I have been trying to think of something to write about since my last post, but I feel too bitter, tired and ornery.  So, in honor of my frenemy, Bitter Ben, I am going to post all the things that have contributed to my glorious mood all week.

  1.  The Full Moon—yeah, thanks, evil orb, for encouraging my sleepy laziness as you slipped slowly back into a fraction of your former self this week.
  2. The Weather—Okay, normally I love rain, especially tropical warm rains.  But, good criminy—enough already!  I have seen the sun for 5 minutes in the morning the past 10 days, and then the clouds roll in, bringing temperamental rain showers each day.  And what else?!!  No thunder!  At least that gives me something to get excited about, except that Mikey gets stressed out, further ruining my mood, because I can’t enjoy my favorite thing that isn’t happening anyway…
  3. Being 42 and most assuredly in peri-menopause.  Guys, whose skin crawls at the mention of any female bodily functions, skip this paragraph and resume your farting and burping.  In my ornery, shiftless boredom, I have eaten too much, broken out in pimples that actually help me to look younger—like 14—and made me more tired if that’s possible.
  4. Trying to lie around, watch crappy television, and catch a cat nap with two boys, endlessly whining, screaming, and demanding is no vacation.  It makes my mood even blacker.
  5. Playing the role of Mom this week, has been a breeding ground for resentment.  If I have to watch Mikey clumsily drop one more electronic device and tell Pierce “No!  No more video games!”  anymore, I am going to pack their bags.
  6. Finally getting some energy when it’s time to go to bed, and not being able to get to sleep, is another formula for irritation.  Then sometime in those thin and dark morning hours, Pierce sneaks into our bed.  Let the contortions of sleeping pretzel shaped begin.  I even tried to sneak off to his bed and he woke up muttering “Mommy, lay with me.”  Yeah, I know it’s cute, but disrupting my only escape from those needy little leeches during an already ornery week, can’t break through the irritation.
  7. After the remaining two hours of fitful full sleep, a whiny demanding voice rolls over and whimpers about being hungry.  Then his brother shows up in bed, and Pierce begins bothering him.  Meanwhile, I am trying to pretend I am alone in my bed, and it’s not working and  I am sure that it is not possible that I could get any more irritated.  I mean, for heaven’s sake, I haven’t even broken the surface yet.  Nope, I was wrong, I am barely awake, and I already want to run away to a place with a nice big bed, no children, and maybe a massage therapist—oh, and a good thunderstorm would be nice.

But, alas, it isn’t to be…so I get up and feed the children in my black mood, while they ask me “Mommy, are you happy?” (Pierce)  “Are you in a bad mood?”  (Mike)  I answer “No” and then “Yes” and then pray for silence.  It doesn’t come.  I wonder if I pack their bags and put them at the front door, will they fall into my trap?  If I can just get them to step outside the front door, I can quickly lock it, and go back to bed for the day….Say a prayer…You decide who needs it most, my kids, Greg or me, but don’t come back to my blog if it isn’t for me!