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Hey Oprah, I have borne witness to many conversations amongst the boys recently that probably required some hollering or threats on my part, but I chose to laugh.  Tune in in 20 years to find out how my parenting tactics played out.

The most recent took place this morning at breakfast.  Pierce and Mikey were sitting at the kitchen table eating while I was doing something at the sink.  I was aware that there was an exchange going on between the two of them—or more accurately, Mikey talking at Pierce and demanding an answer to something.  I heard something about “Either or” as far as how the answer should be selected.  Slowly, I began to tune in, when Mikey said “You better pick one and it better be said in potty talk!”  That got my attention, and I scolded him over trying to lead his brother down the primrose path to bad choices and foul language.  Unfortunately, I laughed while making my point.

Shortly after this episode, I was trying to motivate them into getting dressed by demands and threats.  It’s wasn’t terribly effective (it rarely is), but it did get them stripped of their jammies.  Sadly, once naked, instead putting on the day’s wardrobe, it was exclaimed that they should have a hoo-hoo fight.  I had to once again, step in and scold to “get dressed!”  And once again, I laughed.  Listen, if there is any type of fencing that my boys are involved in, it better be the kind where they shower me with stolen jewelry—NOT naked sword play!

During the period of the morning where I was trying to get them dressed by encouraging a race to see who could get their clothes on the fastest.  Mikey distracted his brother by saying that his “butt itched” and “Watch, Pierce, how I’m going to scratch it,” as he sidled up to the corner of the ottoman.  I screamed in disgust “Don’t you dare!”  I didn’t want a smelly ottoman!  Naturally, they both thought this was hilarious and, still, they weren’t dressed.

Pierce, in his little voice, gets away with all sorts of back talk because it sounds so darn funny.  I set about to teach his something the other day, because he is 2 months from his 4th birthday, and the kid still can’t dress himself.  He is lazy combined with being convinced if he can’t do something, he probably shouldn’t try.  Anyway, I was asking him to try putting is underwear on a couple of days ago, and he kept telling me he can’t–“You just do it!”  I argued back that I was not going to do everything for him!  He needed to some things on his own. He responded with “You just do everything for me!”  All righty then…let me help you with your undies…

There are a million of these scenarios every week, but these are the recent ones I remembered.  Tell me—am I in trouble?